Twenty Eight

1 February 2015

Today I am twenty eight years old.  Woah!  How did that happen so quickly?  Last time I checked I was turning 21 and had the world at my feet.  Life has a funny way of ticking by, next thing you know you are married with a mortgage and a gorgeous babe.  Life is pretty awesome  but I always have this feeling of something missing.  I stopped drinking 3 years ago this year and while this helped TREMENDOUSLY with depression, anxiety, mental health and physical health I still have this feeling that there is something missing.

Ask my mom, my husband, my sister - I speak about it often, maybe not directly but some days I will just feel "bleh" - do you know what I mean?  I will wake up one morning and my enthusiasm, energy and positivity will have seemingly disappeared over night.  I will feel a bit melancholy, I will yearn (even more) to be back in South Africa in the sun with my mom and sister.  I will wish Mani was at home and not at work.  Basically I wish for anything and everything that I don't have on that day instead of maybe focusing on what I do have or just letting myself feel what I feel, knowing that feeling will pass.

I have had these feelings since high school, they have peaked and waned over the past 11 years of my life but this, my twenty eighth year, I aim to do something about them.

For starters I have set myself a list of goals that I want to achieve this year.  Some big, some HUGE, some tiny.  But I want to succeed in every one or at least try.  Elise is the queen of goal setting and one thing I have learned and hugely admire in her is her ability to accept that while she sets goals and goes out and does her best to succeed she sometimes doesn't and is totally OK with that.

By having these goals I feel I will maybe get some ooomph, some meaning, some get up and go when I need it.  It will help me have a purpose when I feel I don't have one and by sharing my goals on my blog, I am holding myself accountable.  2015 is going to be the year of peace, happiness, memories and finding purpose.  Let's do this.


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